An Open Letter From The Mayans To Dave Rector

(Note: The following is complete satire and fiction and should not be taken as an actual letter from the Mayans or as a notice of the end of the world.)


Dear Dave,

We would just like for you to know that we commend you on your efforts to prepare your city for our December 21st "End of the World" celebration.

We have always admired your work in trying to demolish a perfectly healthy building by claiming that a simple roof leak or a crack in the concrete are reasons alone to convert this iconic facility into rubble. But we are equally thrilled to have read in the Evansville Courier & Press today where you are now shutting down Mesker Amphitheatre over a minor $100,000 paint and mold repair bill. We appreciate you spending these last two years reversing all of the work SMG has done on these two facilities.

As a civilization that specializes in collapsing cultures and cities as quickly as possible, we are very pleased in the work that your former boss, Mr. Weinzapfel, has done with your city's sewer system and Executive Inn. All of that rubble stacked up as high as the sky on Walnut brought tears of joy to our eyes. It reminds us of what our city and civilization looked like shortly before vanishing from Central Mexico due to an unsustainable way of life.

To commemorate the hard work you and your allies have put into prepping Evansville for December 21st, we have now slapped a "Made in Evansville" sticker on our Mayan Ruins. When tourists and guests visit our Mayan Ruins, they will be told about the great work you have done on Roberts Stadium, Mesker Amphitheatre, the Civic Center, and even the brand new Ford Center.

We would also like for you to know that you will not need to worry about Bosse Field as we already have the city and the ECVB fighting all development and ball field projects around it. You also won't need to worry about the McCurdy as your former boss has done an excellent job getting the lawn, the entrance, and the structure as a whole ready for December 21st.

Lastly, after reviewing the work you have done on the entrance to the brand new Ford Center, we are giving serious consideration to moving our "End of the World" celebration up a few months from December 21st. We never thought you would have been able to get the Ford Center ready for our celebration as quickly as you have Dave.

December 21st will soon be here. The end of the world and civilization as we know it is near.... Thanks to you Dave!

Your Friends,

The Mayans